The Short List

I have a short list and I bet you do too. Everybody has one. It's the people who support you, who you can fully trust, who understand your child with special needs, who understand what it's truly like raising them. They just get it.

Odds are the people on your short list are your closest family and friends. Hopefully, your spouse is on your short list because being on the same page is paramount to raising your special needs child, staying sane and well...staying married. Thank God my husband, Steve, and I are on the same page. He is definitely number one on my list and I am number one on his.

And I'm sure there are a few standouts. Like your child's teachers and therapists who "get it" on a whole other level. They can hear your child say one thing and look at you with amazement because they know what it took to get there. Evan recently came out of speech therapy and noticed a man in a white lab coat. He said, "Hi, I'm Evan. What's your name? Are you a doctor?" His speech therapist, Irina (see photo above), looked at me with wide eyes and mouth agape. We just stood there smiling broadly at each other. No words necessary. It may have been a little improvement, but she recognized it. These are people that revel in the progress and celebrate alongside you.

Maybe it's an aide. When you pick up your child after school, they report to you a little tidbit that most wouldn't even notice. Last week, Evan's aide told me he stayed at the table and completed the whole letter writing worksheet without trying to go AWOL. She knows fine motor skills are a big challenge and the fact that he didn't get up is a big deal.

These people understand your child and all their quirks -- and probably think they are darn cute too. Evan has gotten pretty good at making his scripting sound appropriate and authentic. When Evan sees his teacher from last year in the hallway and he asks her to pick him up, she already knows he's trying to reenact a scene from Beauty and the Beast. There's no fooling somebody on the short list!

The people that inevitably get on the short list and rise to the top at record speed are other parents of special needs children. They don't just get it -- they live it. These people speak the language. IEP, OT, NT, scripting, stimming. No need for a translation, they are fluent! When chatting together you probably finish each other's sentences half the time. Yesterday I went with a friend to pick up her daughter, who has selective mutism. We arrived at the school and all the parents were waiting on the sidewalk. We walked by them and stood close to the doors. She said, "I'm sure everyone looks at me like I'm crazy, but I stand here so..." "so, she can see you as soon as she comes out and doesn't have to search the crowd," I said. What seems obvious and necessary to us might seem weird or crazy to somebody not on the short list.

Notice it's called a short list. There are whole lot of people not on the list. Some don't understand, don't want to understand or just don't know how to. They are unsure of what to say. Some like to explain everything away and wrap it all up with, "He'll be fine." They don't recognize what it takes to see progress and think they are just "growing out of it." Some are judgmental. Some just don't get it and never will.

So, here's to the people who do get it. They listen when we need to vent. They let us obsess over something until it's out of our system. They celebrate all the success and progress with us. They love our kids and we love them for it. They support us and hold us up when we feel like we just can't get through another day. And we couldn't without them.