Potty Process

Potty training is stressful. Potty training a special needs child is a process (which may include heavy stress, loss of sleep, general anxiety and a few post-bedtime cocktails). Every child is different and children with Asperger's definitely have their own challenges and quirks. I wish there was a special recipe for potty training success, but there's not. Trust me - I searched...and searched and searched.

During Evan's 18-month check up, his pediatrician said we should introduce potty training. We were a little surprised but, the naive first-time parents that we were, went out and got a little Baby Bjorn potty for the bathroom. We would say to Evan, "you go poopies and pee pees on the..." and he would say "potty!" Potty training was going to be a breeze. We were so not worried. When Evan was 2 1/2 and after that damn potty sat in the corner and taunted me for months I decided to start researching readiness signs. It didn't look like Evan was showing any signs. "well, boys learn later than girls right?," I thought to myself.

After he was diagnosed with Asperger's, I realized his lack of signs was probably due to his developmental delays. That took some of the pressure off. Every night we would put Evan on the potty before bath, but he was never able to go. We would also try throughout the day in hopes that one day it would miraculously happen. One day we arrived home after a long car trip where the kids had fallen asleep. I carried Evan inside and put him right on the potty. He was half awake and started to go. He was just as surprised as we were! Because it just happened naturally and he was able to understand the sensation it became the first major step in the potty process. After that he would go occasionally on the potty, but was never able to stay dry for long.

The summer before Evan was to turn four years old I revisited the idea of potty training. He only showed one or two signs at that point. I read Maria Wheeler's book, Toilet Training for Individuals with Autism or Other Developmental Issues. It was very helpful, but it was still hard to understand why Evan was not really getting it. His speech therapist at the time was trying to convince me that he was ready and that I should just give it a try. Reluctantly (and I mean reluctantly) I agreed.

If I could go back in time I would swiftly erase those five days from my life. Evan was certainly not ready, didn't get it and had about six or seven accidents a day. I had to have him sit on a towel in anticipation of said accidents (see photo above). I swear those five days I was either in the bathroom with him, washing his soiled clothes or staring at his pants waiting for the next accident. It was back to Pull Ups for him and major relief for me. I knew success would only come when he was ready. I was going to trust myself to know when the time was right.

The Fall Evan turned four years old was a turning point. He started to go on the potty more consistently and was staying dry more frequently. He also finally seemed interested in the process. His level of engagement showed me that he was beginning to understand the concept. His school shadow and I came up with a plan. We were to start at home during Thanksgiving break so he would have more reasonable intervals (and hopefully less accidents) once school started the following week. I explained everything to Evan with the enthusiasm of head cheerleader. There was a whole rewards (aka bribing) system. We had a sticker book and added a new sticker every time he went to the bathroom and had small gifts for going #2 or for telling us he had to go. He was more concerned with getting back to his toys or computer games and the sticker book was banished by day three. We started by taking him every 20 minutes. That was difficult because he did not want to be continuously disrupted from whatever he was doing at the time. When there were no accidents we would increase the time. Going #2 was a bigger challenge. Basically it came down to intense surveillance and figuring out when he was going to go and just getting him there in time. Keeping a stack of his favorite books in the bathroom was our saving grace. He complained every time we took him, but once on the potty he was happy to sit and read.

It was shockingly a lot less painful than I had anticipated. Probably because when the time is right - the time is right. By week two there were few accidents and by week four there were virtually none. The problem was that his success fell on our shoulders. Many of Evan's speech issues are due to his Pragmatic Language Disorder. It is very hard for Evan to communicate when he has to go. We (and his teachers at school) are responsible for taking him to the bathroom every two hours. Luckily, he has just started to tell us when he has to go #2. So the process continues.