School Daze

We had dedicated the summer to preparing Evan for school and the first day was fast approaching. I had allowed myself to tiptoe around Pandora's box, but the week before school began I knew I had to pry it open. Evan was going off to school...without me! We were always together and I felt a little bit like his guide dog and was terrified of handing over the reins (I am mixing two metaphors, but you know what I mean). What if his teacher didn't understand why he was upset? What would they think when he started reciting Little Einsteins nonstop? Would Evan understand the concept of school? Would he know that I was coming back for him? I was letting myself think of all the what-ifs and crying daily. I knew I had to do my best to prepare Evan, his teachers and myself. School was set to begin and Evan was still a couple of weeks away from seeing his pediatric neurologist. I called his teacher, Ms. Bunny, and tried to explain a little about Evan and his behavior. I told her there was something up, but we weren't exactly sure what it was. She was so warm and encouraging that my anxiety eased a little. We nixed the class orientation and brought Evan to meet his teachers and see his classroom privately. He seemed OK, but there was an overall question of: "Does he really get it?"

The first day arrived and there were a whole lot of tears. I dropped off Evan and he cried. I got in my car and I cried. I called and they said he had been crying on and off all day, which made me cry. I arrived to pick him up and checked his lunchbox. He hadn't eaten a thing and that made my stomach drop because usually he was a plate cleaner. When the door opened and he saw me he was sobbing and saying, "you came back" over and over. I burst into tears (so much for keeping it together in front of him). It wasn't so much what he said, but the way he said it. I could tell he really didn't understand where I went and if I was ever coming back. My heart shattered right there on the old linoleum floor. Most kids get upset when they are starting school, but for my little boy it was a million times worse. I was disrupting all the routines he had in place, taking him out of the comfort of his home, away from his Mommy and no matter what words I used to explain, he could not understand what was happening to him.

Another reason for my broken heart: seeing Evan so upset. He never had tantrums, hardly whined and always had a smile on his face. This was so out of character for my little guy! As much as I wanted to home school him after that first day, I knew I had to do what was best for Evan and move forward. I also knew the only thing that could help was time. School had to become part of his new routine and his teachers had to become part of his new life. The first two weeks were brutal. He cried on and off every day of school, but eventually it tapered off.

His teacher was wonderfully loving and kind and also very helpful. She recognized the behaviors I described and was glad we were taking him to see a neurologist. She always gave us a detailed report of Evan's school day. Every day on the way home I would ask him about school, but I never got a response. During this time Evan was still very much in his own little world - in a bit of a daze. At least that world was a happy place and was opening up to include new people, interesting places and exciting adventures at school.

But as the weeks progressed, we came to realize that being in school presented a whole new set of challenges for Evan. He enjoyed being there, but if the assistant teacher was out he would be completely thrown off. If the schedule was different he had a hard time. If there was a show in the auditorium, Evan would be so upset about the crowds and loud noise he would have a total breakdown. I had a talk with the teacher to make sure that we were on the same page. I didn't want Evan removed from the situation every time he was upset. I wanted them to help him work through his emotions, so he could develop the tools to deal with what was going on. I knew escaping the problem was only going to prolong it. At school Evan was able to learn how to deal with many situations and in time was able to show great progress.