Spring Forward

With Spring comes change and in 2009 it was no different. We were still marveling at Evan's improved use of language. My husband and I would smile broadly and shake our head in amazement whenever Evan said something new. A question as simple as "Mommy, can I have more ketchup please?" was like a little gem to us. In the Fall the question "what did you have for lunch?" elicited no response. Now Evan could tell us what he had for lunch most of the time we asked. When I asked him what he did at school that day he could frequently tell me at least one thing.

His gross motor skills were improving as well. We purchased a swing set for the backyard and watched as Evan climbed the rock wall and ambled up the ladder with more agility and confidence than ever before. Seeing him use a regular swing for the first time was great (although he still asks to be pushed and can't quite get that pumping maneuver down).

Unfortunately, not all change is the good kind. At the end of April Evan turned a corner and it wasn't as celebrated as the changes that came before. He began to act out quite a bit. He was ignoring rules, testing boundaries and becoming well-acquainted with the time out corner. His teacher, Ms. Bunny, and I talked about his new behavior frequently. I felt bad that Evan was going through this phase and acting out in school. I worried that it wasn't a phase and this would mark a new side to my boy. I always held on to Evan's happiness and radiating smile. I didn't want to lose that part of him that shone so brightly. That was the part that made everyone fall in love with him and root for him.

I started to really think about the timing and nature of these changes. Soon I came up with a theory that made sense and made me feel a little better. Think about the "terrible twos" for toddlers. That change comes about as they start to realize their place in the world, express themselves and form their own opinions. They begin to act out and test this new and exciting world and all the people in it. In March the cloud of Asperger's lifted a bit and Evan started to engage in what was a new world for him. He was expressing himself more and communicating more clearly. Evan may have been three and a half years old, but this was his "terrible twos." A few months earlier Evan would have been lining up toys on the carpet completely oblivious to those around him. Now he was knocking over blocks, climbing on tables and switching the lights off. Yes, this behavior in and of itself was not a good thing. But the meaning behind it was. Evan was engaging in life. We just had to set rules, enforce boundaries and teach him how to do it properly.

During this time, Ms. Bunny suggested having Evan evaluated by a behavior analyst from an early intervention center. His behavior was unpredictable and we were all concerned about the upcoming summer session and school year. The following week a behavior analyst observed Evan in class. I was surprised how well she grasped Evan's personality, strengths and weaknesses during those few hours. She noticed Evan had trouble socializing with the other children in class. He would play independently with no interest in interacting with his peers. She suggested enrolling Evan in a social skills group. I didn't even realize that social skills classes were available to children as young as Evan. We signed him up for the upcoming summer session immediately. We also decided it would be a good idea to have a shadow for Evan during the five week summer camp session. This would help Evan transition to a new classroom with new teachers. The shadow would also assist Evan in improving his social skills. We felt like we were starting down a new path and only saw progress ahead.

May 20th was Evan's final show as a student of the Moon Room. As usual, the level of anticipation was at an all time high. At his first show he was kind of in a haze and when he wasn't, he was covering his ears or running off the stage. We were really keeping our fingers crossed for a better performance. We hoped he would have fun and not get too upset with the level of noise in the auditorium. Ms. Bunny had said he was running to the edge of the stage during rehearsals and wasn't sure how he was going to do. The lights dimmed and we watched Evan's class perform. Our little guy was doing OK- he sang some of the songs and participated in playing the drums and dancing. But there was one portion that was hard to watch. All the boys from his class came to the center of the stage and Evan stayed sitting down off to the side. Steve continued to film as he squeezed my knee. My best friend sat next to me and rubbed my back. My friend, whose daughter was in the same class, turned around and we exchanged a look. Nobody needed to say a word, but we were all saying the same thing: this sucks! I felt the unsolicited tears wet my face. I was just not emotionally prepared. It was like a giant flashing neon sign that said: LOOK AT MY BOY! HE IS DIFFERENT! I tried to get it together and enjoy the rest of the show. Afterward, I approached his teacher and asked what had happened. She said the school director was worried about him running off the stage and wanted to err on the side of caution. I understood the decision, but wish I had been told prior to the show. If I had known I wouldn't have been caught so off guard. In all honesty, if it was up to me I would have given him the same opportunity as everyone else. If he began to act inappropriately I would have had him sit down then. Unpredictability goes both ways. Evan could have performed and behaved well and surprised us all. But we'll never know.