One of the biggest and most constant challenges for individuals with Asperger's Syndrome is socialization. There are many factors that may contribute: communications difficulties, inability to read social cues, and an overall disinterest in fitting in or accommodating peers. This all rings true for Evan. The good thing is that he is so happy playing on his own that he has been oblivious to all the friendships formed around him and without him.
As parents, we have to teach our children with Asperger's all the things that come so naturally to neurotypical children - even something as fundamental as making friends. Evan takes a two-hour social skills class once a week where the instructors focus on things like taking turns, answering questions, maintaining eye contact, awareness of personal space and a multitude of other things that most people don't even realize they know and implement on a regular basis.
These skills are also reinforced during Evan's weekly speech therapy sessions. Many of his communication difficulties stem from Auditory Processing Disorder (APD). Auditory processing deals with how the brain recognizes and interprets sounds. Some symptoms may include difficulty maintaining focus, following multi-step directions and recalling information. Children with APD also need more time to process information and have a hard time understanding correct uses of language and answering questions. Luckily, Evan has an amazing speech patholgist that works with him every week, provides homework for reinforcement and suggestions for skill-strengthening games to play at home.
Because Evan struggles with communicating, he often reverts back to scripting (or echolalia). He memorizes books and dialogue from shows or movies and repeats things over and over. He loves to reenact scenes and if there is a mirror around, forget about it. I can't tell you how many times I hear, "you have to get him into acting!" People think it's adorable and funny, but at 4 1/2 years old we fear that the day the cuteness will wear off is looming. In fact, a few weeks ago, Evan was repeating dialogue from Dora the Explorer in school. One of his classmates said, "Evan, we're not in Dora world...we're in the real world!" Hopefully, the more appropriate language he learns, the less he will script.
Amazingly, we have seen tremendous progress on the friendship front. We have always had plenty of playdates with family, friends and neighbors. Evan would always be off on his own completely uninterested in engaging with the other children. Recently, that began to change. Though he still prefers to play on his own, he has begun to reach out. He'll ask, "what are you playing with?" or he'll say, "let's play catch." It is so great to see Evan playing ball with a friend, chasing each other around the kitchen or playing pretend with his figurines. It's been a long time coming. At school last week, he played a Clifford board game with a teacher and his classmate, Sofia. His shadow told me after some nonverbal prompting he was very comfortable taking turns, sharing and following directions. At the end of the game, Sofia looked at Evan and said, "you're my good friend."
To see Evan make a friend and develop a close bond has been the most positive and rewarding gift. Evan and Nicholas met in class and hit it off instantly. They are both happy, quirky, silly and adventurous little boys. They love to play hide and seek at recess and can often be spotted running around holding hands (the photo above was captured by their wonderful teacher Ms. Kelley). At the end of the day I get to watch them dart around on some private amusing escapade that keeps them both giggling nonstop. One day last month, as I gathered Evan's jacket and lunchbox, I told him to say goodbye to Nicholas. They embraced in a big hug and Evan said, "Nicholas you're my very best friend." Ms. Kelley and I looked at each other with beaming smiles and eyes brimming with tears. This may be Evan's first friendship, but certainly not his last.
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